To Beard Or Not to Beard

With the 2016 Hespeler Reunion set for July 8-10th excitement for the event is building here in town and the reunion will have many different events going on and  one that I was thinking about entering was the beard growing contest.  The contest has been a staple of previous reunions and I have a family tie to the event as in 1966 my  Uncle Alex  entered and while I don’t remember what prize he won I know he won something and was the talk of our family for the rest of the summer.

With that in mind I thought long and hard about growing a beard and trying to live up to my Uncles legacy , but what type of beard should I grow?  Should I perhaps try to emulate the Joaquin Phoenix look or perhaps  the more aerodynamic Shia LeBeouf look?  The Mel Gibson Madness look would be interesting and the light facial hair look of Bradley Cooper would certainly sway the judges I would assume, but could I actually pull that one off? Not likely according to my wife and as she has pointed out she is the one that would have to look at it day after day and deal with the constant billy goat rubs on her neck, so be careful what you grow she told me in no uncertain terms.  Part of the problem I had to take into consideration was what my overall appearance would be after the beard was grown, would I be able to wow the judges with the  elegance of my beard or would I be the winner of the “most likely to wind up a hobo” award?  Everytime I try to grow one my wife seems to think that I resemble a  cartoon toad that is up to no good and that is just one of the challenges that I faced when making my decision, a friend of mine who has a beard says that he finds himself checking out other guys beards and occasionally becoming jealous and I do not know how my wife would feel about that. The fact that after just a couple days of not shaving I want to scratch my stubble off by hand certainly doesn’t bode well and would I have to change all my photo ID to include the beard? Drawing one onto my Drivers licence is apparently frowned on I am told. According to proper etiquette the scruffier the beard the sharper the dresser you need to be and anyone who knows me is aware that clothes are not my strong suit, but of course, it all came down to comfort and a time limit, two things that stopped me from joining the contest. After all, it takes me awhile to actually grow facial hair and as a friend of mine observed”Perhaps you should have started at the last reunion, you might have a good one by now” Oh well Uncle Alex can rest peacefully knowing that his title will not be challenged this year.