Dick Van Dykeing My Self And Other Discovery’s Of The Summer

“Summer loving had me a blast”. Alright, so I didn’t have summer loving like John Travolta or Olivia Newton-John but at least as summer winds down I can tell you it was interesting and I learned a few things.  My Self and my understanding one, my wife and as she puts up with me understanding might be an understatement, we made our annual trip up through the Hwy 11 and 17 areas of this great province with no problems just wish I could say the same about getting around this city this summer, heck I think I spent less in gas getting up into Northern Ontario and back then I spend on the average week just navigating through all the Construction in the area.  And I discovered that my bones are not as fragile as I thought when not once but twice Dick Van Dyked myself in our living room, for those unsure what I mean just youtube the opening of the Dick Van Dyke show and you will see what I mean.  I discovered that just because a soccer Mom has some stick figures on her minivan it doesn’t mean that she is a better driver than me, my groceries lying all over the back seat is a testament to that. I have also discovered that if you put hair spray on dust bunnies and light them on fire they still leave a mess.

I have already discovered that turning myself into an alcoholic is way too expensive, but I gave it the old college try anyway.I now know how to fill the ice Cube tray in the freezer and how to change the washroom paper roll, those are things I could put on my resume, couldn’t I?  I have discovered the difference between the Laundry hamper and the bedroom floor, and my wife has never been happier about it, I guess hanging my pants on the floor won’t work anymore. Having more time to sit down and have dinner with my wife has allowed me to discover that after eating that the dishes do not levitate and fly into the sink by themselves, really guy’s, it is not elves that do either.  I also discovered how to find things by looking instead of cursing and screaming, it is amazing what you have to do without your wife around. And guy’s, did you know that the back of a woman’s hand hurts against the back of your head? It sure ain’t the same as a headboard, that’s for sure. I have found out that I do not look good in High Heels, or low cut dresses and that the Fashion Police do exist as well. I now know that if I don’t shave for a few days instead of looking like Don Johnson from Miami Vice I look like Otis from Andy of Mayberry.      Oh, and ignore that comment about the High heels and the dresses, please?

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