What My Mother Taught me

Mothers are a strange breed indeed. They love us, they nurture us and they never let us forget it. And they teach us some of the strangest things. Here are some of the Things that my Mother taught me.

She taught me about death and cleanliness.
“If you and your sister are going to kill each other, do it outside, i just finished vacuuming the living room.”

She taught me religion.
“You had better pray to God that spill comes out of the carpet”.

She taught me logic.
“Because i said so, that’s why”

She taught me about Contortinism
“Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck”

She taught me stamina.
“You will sit there until that spinach is finished”

She taught me about the circle of life.
“I brought you into this world, i can take you out”

She taught me about behavior modification.
“Stop acting like your father”

She taught me about osmosis.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper”

She taught me about Horticulture.
“There’s enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes”

Yep, my Mom sure taught me a lot, but don’t tell her i said that. She still threatens me with the circle of life thing

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