How to care for your yard!

Home owners all care about their yards, and to help you with the task of keeping your yards good-looking, I have some ideas to share with you.

We all like vegetables(except for Asparagus), and just think over the summer for just a small investment in seeds you could save over $50 and you only need to spend about 20 hours during that time to save that much.

Gardening does take a lot of work, but if you are lucky you could grow a tomato that looks like Jesus or Elvis and become the talk of your neighborhood.

The Garden gnomes are great, hell, you can make a deal with them and they will use their evil powers to get rid of that damn stray cat that keeps digging in your garden.

In the early stages of your gardening make sure you have your friends over late at night, but keep them outside. After awhile all the urine from them peeing in your garden will build up nitrates and help your gardenia.

Under no circumstances should you plant magic beans closer than 35 feet from your house. It could cause trouble with the foundation.

Invite the Cambridge City Council over to your yard to talk politics. All the bull s@#T that spews out will fertilize the yard for many weeks, saving you a ton of money.

Always make sure your lawn is 1/8 of an inch shorter than your nearest neighbor. That will drive him crazy.

Talking to your plants is good,but reading from the Cambridge Times to them will only bore them to death.

If all else fails, hire a Mexican.

Remember, I know what is best for everyone!

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