How to care for your yard!


Home owners all care about their yards, and to help you with the task of keeping your yards good-looking, I have some ideas to share with you.

We all like vegetables(except for Asparagus), and just think over the summer for just a small investment in seeds you could save over $50 and you only need to spend about 20 hours during that time to save that much.

Gardening does take a lot of work, but if you are lucky you could grow a tomato that looks like Jesus or Elvis and become the talk of your neighborhood.

The Garden gnomes are great, hell, you can make a deal with them and they will use their evil powers to get rid of that damn stray cat that keeps digging in your garden.

In the early stages of your gardening make sure you have your friends over late at night, but keep them outside. After awhile all the urine from them peeing in your garden will build up nitrates and help your gardenia.

Under no circumstances should you plant magic beans closer than 35 feet from your house. It could cause trouble with the foundation.

Invite the Cambridge City Council over to your yard to talk politics. All the bull s@#T that spews out will fertilize the yard for many weeks, saving you a ton of money.

Always make sure your lawn is 1/8 of an inch shorter than your nearest neighbor. That will drive him crazy.

Talking to your plants is good,but reading from the Cambridge Times to them will only bore them to death.

If all else fails, hire a Mexican.

Remember, I know what is best for everyone!

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Chris Ethridge:Death Of a Flying Burrito


John Christopher “Chris” Ethridge II died on Monday at the age of 65, so who was Chris Ethridge? Most people reading this will not know who he is and perhaps don’t really care, after all his death comes so soon after Levon Helm and Dick Clark that it may not register as a human interest story, but to myself it is. Chris Ethridge was in one of my favourite early bands The Flying Burrito Brothers  a band that he helped form with another of my musical heros Gram Parsons, and it was a band that really helped to define the Country Rock Sound in the late 60’s early 70’s. He co-wrote  “Hot Burrito #1 (I’m Your Toy)” and “Hot Burrito #2” with Gram Parsons for the Burrito brothers as well as “She” with Parsons from Grams self Titled  Debut album. The Burrito sound was a strong mix of traditional Country, a little folk and a lot of Rock that made some great music that bands like the Eagles and Poco would perfect later on.  Chris was one of the more in demand session Bassists in the 70’s appearing on albums by musical artists as diverse as Phil Ochs,Ry Cooder,CSNY, Linda Ronstadt and Johnny Winter,and he was a member of Willie nelson’s band for almost 8 years and He had a small role in the film Honeysuckle Rose. Chris Ethridge may not have been a musical superstar but his musical contributions will be here forever.

 

What I am Up Too


I have been doing Cooper street Relic for 4 years now, first on Blogger and for the last 3 years here on WordPress and over that time have tried a few different things on the Internet as well. One was the Cambridge Citizen which is now in the fine Hands of its other founder Scot Ferguson and that is what allowed me to follow a different path. I will keep the Relic going but with some minor changes to content,i will continue to write about the past as well as some of my obviously warped humour but will have a lot more on my favorite subject and that is music,music music. I have been writing about the artists and the music that I listened and still listen to and will continue to do that as often as possible, and hopefully I can still learn a thing or two as well about the new Music scene that is out there.

There are two other sites that I now have going one is called The Cambridge News(sort of) a site for those that can not stand the news today, and want to read something a little different,or as I call it “The news that We want to Print”  it is inspired by my youth reading Mad and cracked magazines by flashlight late at night under the covers and of course by The National Lampoon and the onion two of the best Satirical magazines out there.  The other site is still under construction and i hope to get it launched by early summer, it is called The New Hespeler Herald and when it is ready I will link to it from here. So good reading everyone and feel free to comment on anything you read here or my other sites. And remember

The Vinyl Revolution


As a child of the 60’s and 70’s the vinyl record was one thing that we took for granted, whether it was hearing my older brothers Elvis 45’s or having to listen to my Older sister play her Donny Osmond Albums, heck even hearing my Dad play his Glen Miller 78’s, Music back then was on Vinyl and of course we took it for Granted that it would always be around.  The trips to Records on Wheels or heading to Toronto to Sam the Record Man where a right of passage for every generation, find the newest single by The Stampeders or pick up a copy of Alice Coopers latest album were the highlight of anyone’s day.  Unlike the CD you could actually read the Liner notes on the Album and of course the legendary artwork on many of the albums were worth the price alone, something that the CD does not have.  And if you only wanted a single song you could just buy the 45 and listen to it, hell I remember buying a single by Jim Gold’s Gallery called “Nice to be with you” and playing the hell out of it.  But, like anything the vinyl record began to fade away as the cD came into being and of course they became popular as they were easier to store and you could put a disc on without having to flip it over half way through.  And as Disc’s grew in popularity the Vinyl record seemed to just stay on the outside of popularity not quite obscure but known to only a few hardcore audiophiles.  But the vinyl’s time is back and I for one am glad to welcome them. A number of current artists are releasing new albums and the record player is slowly becoming a viable option in the music world again.  Browsing through used record stores to find the old albums of my youth has become fun again and as I did when the CD’s took over I will rebuild my library with the music that I love.  And it is with pleasure that I tell you that Hespeler has its own Record store again, Millpond Records and Books is now open on Queen Street, so when downtown give ’em a shout and maybe you will find a treasure amongst the music.

A Perfect Day


Finally I am going to have enough money to do what i want and help whomever i can. I can now own the car of my dreams and even retire at a young age.  Just think with all the money i am going to have I will be able to help the City fix the roads a bit, I may be even able to help pay for Drayton and If anybody needs help paying some legal bills there will be money for that. The city can even save some money in their winter budget as I can afford to pay for the snow ploughing in my area and Karl, maybe I can help with your arena plans,just give me a call. I can now upgrade my wardrobe and buy even better t-shirts and blueJeans, hell I can now own 3 pair of Jeans(I don’t want to overdo it though). Winter in Florida here I come, maybe even buy myself Seasons Tickets to the Leaf Games, boy the things I can do with all this Money and all i have to do to get it is send my banking information to the Nigerian Prince that apparently I am related to, man this will be fun. Oh and I still have 3 wishes to do according to that naked Genie that I found in my Wifes closet last night, could this day get any better?

Don’t you have Some laundry to Do?


Woman and Men have been at odds for ever and will continue until times end, and as the saying goes A Dog is Man’s best Friend and that is for many reasons. At least a dog
stops whining when you let him into the house, and at night if i hear a
noise, the Dog volunteers to go check it out allowing me to stay warm
and cozy in bed.  It doesn’t cost me $50 to watch my dog lick himself,
and sticking with my getting others to do the dishes a dog will lick
his and my plate clean. A dog gets friendly with us without having
to get him drunk, and my dog doesn’t ask that silly old question does
my fur make me look fat?

Now let’s discuss arguing, a favorite
past time of many. Woman always seem to want to pick an arguement when
the hockey game is on, and when you try to compliment them with a line
like”Ooh, you are so cute when you get pissed off” you get even
madder.  And have you ever tried to picture someone naked when you are
being yelled at? It doesn’t work. If we told you that it does make you
fat, again you get mad and if we say it looks nice on you, you tell us
you are just saying that. If we use the advice column from Hustler
magazine to solve some of our”bed” problems you yell at us for that.
Making nice suggestions never works with you” What does the Great Oprah
have to say on that” just brings more heat down on us, and to suggest
that “you look just like your Mother’ brings tears and swear words even
we Men won’t use, and you know how much we like your Mother.  Now I
admit we make some mistakes, after all how did we know that was your
cousin, and to mention what time of the month it was, may have been a
mistake but really how bad was it to ask if the argument could wait
because the boy’s are waiting for me at the bar, I would have continued
it later, that should count. And let’s be truthful, if woman used as
much energy at the Gym as they do arguing, you wouldn’t have to worry
about getting fat.  So what are you going to do? Kick us in the Nards?
And now I am off to set the cot up in the Garage, something tells
me I am sleeping there tonight.  Now About that laundry!

The Hespeler Hideout


I always wanted a fort and in the summer of 1974 at the age of 17  I
got one. The fact that it was shared with about a dozen other guys was
not a problem as it became our little hideout. A place where we could go
and drink our beer and smoke our silly cigarettes without being
bothered and of course entertain girls.
It sat on what is now Holiday inn Drive across from Jacob Hespeler High School and back by Hwy401. The beauty of it was the fact that back then Holiday inn Drive stopped at the Holiday Inn and past that all the way to Townline Road was nothing but Forest, Tress and brush, plenty of trees and brush. The only way in was by foot and that suited us just fine as the Police could not enter without us seeing them and by the time they did we could be
long gone. As for the OPP coming up from behind on the 401 they would be
as visible as my receding hairline is now. And besides, I think the
local Constabulary’s were quite happy knowing that we were not bothering
the citizens of the village.
I don’t remember who built it or how we found it, but it was there and on any giving Friday or Saturday night you could find us sitting around the fire and just carousing and enjoying the waning day’s of our youth, and if it rained, so be it as we had a good roof on it. One winter we even used it despite the danger of having a fire inside of it, of course trekking up there on a cold
February night was a chore but the rewards were worth it. So what brings
this story on, well let me tell you.I drive past the spot almost
every day and think about the good times that were held there but had
not set foot up there in almost 35 years, until Sunday. With my wife
visiting her sister and myself having a day off,and no yard work to do I took my camera and went for a drive and for some reason I pulled into the little
parking area and stood facing the hill that the fort was on, and I began
the walk up there. And the walk was just as I remembered, arduous but
enjoyable, and when I got to the hill and found the spot where the fort had stood I felt peaceful. I thought of friends that had were no longer with us and
friends that I never see but for some reason I saw them there. I saw the fort, even though it was long gone, I saw the fires and I saw the forest. I know it sounds corny but I enjoyed those 20 minutes I spent there like none that I have in a long time. And as I left, reality hit me as I looked around and saw an open field., industrial malls,factory’s and a busy road that at one time was deep in trees and dirt and steeped in nostalgia.So Why did we stop going to the fort? I guess we thought we outgrew it, but now I am not so sure.