James Hillis

Archive for August, 2011|Monthly archive page

Our Weekend Away(Lake Nipissing Version) Part 2

In Uncategorized on August 31, 2011 at 10:16 pm


Some More shots from our Lake Nipissing Adventure.


Our Weekend Away.(Lake Nipissing Version) Part 1

In Uncategorized on August 31, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Just some photos from our weekend on Lake Nipissing outside of Lavigne Ontario.

Earthquake Safety Tips

In Uncategorized on August 23, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

  • Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, “I told you so.”
  • To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.
  • Experiencing an earthquake is terrifying, but a majority of people caught in one do survive. During the tremors, try to resist the temptation to have sex with pets or houseplants.
  • Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.
  • Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.
  • Do you have a treasured childhood toy? Perhaps a stuffed animal, such as a teddy bear? Well, let’s see Mr. Bear help you now.
  • For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out-of-control fires that consumed most of the city.
  • A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep and work in doorways.
  • Be sure to mail your house-insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.
  • In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table or your uncle.
  • If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you’ve wasted your life.

Some summer TV Viewing

In Uncategorized on August 19, 2011 at 10:08 am

Ah, the summer, times are slower and the beer seems even better. But the one thing that can really suck during this time of year are the programs that the local networks air and force us to watch. With that in mind I along with my evil com-padre have come up with a few ideas that we intend to pitch to the CBC. Here are just a sampling of what we would like to see.

Hey! Stop peeing on my lawn…the story of Summer Friday Nights in Hespeler

Two Guy’s,a girl and a street Corner…Life on Queen Street.

Everybody Loves Shaft…A day in the life of Gary Boomer

Meat and Potatoes…She’s a Vegan,he’s a butcher together they get into wacky adventures..episode 1..they visit Marineland, she protests, he rides the dolphins.

Survivor Cambridge: A night of Karaoke at the Barking Fish

Much Music Cribs: Rick Cowsill’s Garage

Family Feud Cambridge: Hespeler vs Cambridge

Trailer Park Makeovers: Maple Street Edition

Who wants to tell the mad guy on Adam Street to shut up?

Who wants to be Mayor?

Mad about Everything:

Can you grow a beard like Mayor Craig?

And my personal favorite…It’s naked time!!!

Enjoy your summer viewing my friends.

Give me back my Klackers

In Uncategorized on August 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm

In the spring of 1968 i fell in love. Not with a girl or a dog but with a toy. The KLACKER to be precise. What is a klacker you ask, well let me tell you, it was a magnificent piece of weaponry, 2 acrylic balls attached to a sturdy workman like piece of string that when banged together could drive a parent crazy, and i had to just have one. A light blue transparent one at that.
Some scrawny kid like me could own one of these, jump over a 6 foot high fence and smoke the local bully. Yeah, that was going to be me. Jack, the neighborhood tough guy wouldn’t get the best of me anymore. That psychopathic grin would get wiped off his face really quick and than i would dance over his fallen body like David over Goliath, oh yeah, that 11 year old 130 lb walking jelly bowl was going down. Or so i thought. As i gathered my nerve and as my friends waited timidly around the corner i approached the lug and started to stare him down, he didn’t flinch, i approached a little bit more slinging my klackers like like a gunslinger in the old west and then it happened, he pulled a giant slingshot out of his overalls and started to fire spitballs at me. One by one they stung me and drove me back to cover behind the closest garbage pail and there i waited for the cavalry to arrive but realized that the Cavalry had run for cover as well and vanished into the school and the safety of the Nuns leaving me alone to face Jack one on one. It seemed like i was there for over an hour[probably just about a minute] when i got my courage up, got the klackers swinging good and rose,ready to face my final moments, i came flying out from behind that garbage can and ran smack into the body of Sister Aloysius, all 6 feet and 150 lbs of her. I went down like a rock ,my klackers flying out of my hands and landing at her feet, her evil grin even made the bully Jack cringe, and she had me at her mercy, and Jack was standing behind her grinning that psychopathic grin of his. I was doomed.
I wound up with a detention and had my Klackers taken away for 3 days, a punishment that seemed worse than death, and while i eventually got over that moment, the tension between Jack and i never cleared up but we stayed away from each other from then on. For me A moral victory and 3 day’s later i got my klackers back. All was well again.
And i wonder, did anybody ever get Jack? Did they get away or did Jack get revenge? And i wonder where Jack went? Is he living now on a chain gang in Alabama somewhere breaking rocks with his fists and dancing with a good ole boy named Bubba? One can only dream.

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