We Leaf Fan’s have a Sense of Humour!


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Hot Potato #7


Spring is Coming, but until then here are some more thoughts that have been building up over the winter!

My Lawyer is an idiot, he got me into the Jehovah Witness protection program
4 out of 5 doctors recommend i go see another doctor
Virus is a Latin word meaning”your guess is as good as mine”

As i said before, i never repeat myself
There are no Stupid Questions, just inquisitive idiots
Honk if you like peace and quiet

There is no “Ctrl” button on Chuck Norris’s computer…chuck Norris is always in control
Is a stolen Yam a Hot Potato?
I have a new pen name…i call myself BALLPOINT

My wife complains about how long it takes to water the plants..hey my bladder is only so big
I signed up for an Origami class, but it folded
Murphy was an optimist

My ex Mother in law buried 3 husbands and 2 were just taking a nap
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Well that is it for now but remember
I still have a full deck, i just shuffle a little slower now.

 

Running with Scissors


Last year i passed my 52nd  year on this planet and am enjoying life more at this age than at any other time, but there are some things that bothered me as a kid that still bother me now.
I hated making my bed as a kid and still do to this day, i mean were just going to mess it up again, right?. And while we are at it, cleaning my room is still an issue, nobody but my wife or myself uses the room so who am i hurting?
Of course that ties into another thing that bugs me and that is being nagged. Growing up it was my Mother and now it is my Wife[ and yes i am taking out the garbage,as soon as i am done this story]. I remember going to the cottage and always having to take a washroom break almost as soon as we left, last weekend i went to see my older brother in Meaford and we were not even on the other side of Guelph and i had to go pee, man that bugs me. I hated Brussell Sprouts then and i hate them now! And nobody is going to make me eat them. I remember as a kid my Mom always yelling at me and she still does to this day only now she does it by Phone, Cell phone and Internet, sometime /technology isn’t for the better. As a kid having to get dressed up was a hate of mine and today i STILL hate to get dressed up, hell Blue Jeans and a nice sweater is Voque to me. And of course i am still not old enough to know it all, and that bugs me. My mother used to remind me not to run with scissors, so yesterday when my wife asked me to get the scissors from her knitting room she yelled” Don’t Run with the scissors” , i mean how stupid does she think i am! Hey, don’t answer that! When i was a kid i hated to get my hair cut and i still hate it, but only because for the amount of hair i have, 12 bucks seems like a lot. And finally i hate being spanked because i am a bad boy…..oops..sorry wrong list for that one.
So what did you hate as a kid that you still hate today? And no liver answers, i actually like that stuff.

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The Original Wedding Crasher


Recently my wife made me watch a wretched little movie called “The Wedding Crashers” and it got me to thinking about an old Friend of mine from Hespeler who in my mind was the original “Wedding Crasher”. Let me tell you the story.
Paul was an original, definitely playing in a different world with a different set of rules. He was wild, funny and totally off his rocker but that is why we all loved the guy. But the one thing he kept telling us was how he could get into any event like Weddings, family reunions etc. We never believed him, but hey if he told the story while we were sitting around having a few beers and what nots, that was good enough for us. But one day we got the chance to see him in action, and what a smoothie he was.
It was late summer[1977 I believe] and a bunch of us were at our local lake having a swim and enjoying ourselves, when low and behold we came across a family obviously in the midst of a get together and that is when Paul went to work. He walked around the outside of the get together so people would notice him and he paid attention to what was being said about who was there and who was not there and then he found out what he needed and he struck.
Some of the family did not show up including an Aunt and her family that many in the group had never seen or had not seen for years and Paul was in like Flint. He spent the next 2 hrs eating and drinking with this group who had no idea he was not who he said he was, he played a little volleyball and lawn darts while we all watched from a safe distance, laughing and just waiting for him to get caught, It never happened. Paul finally left the party and came over to join us and tell us how he did it. It seems that the Aunt that did not show up had re-married and had a son from her second husband that no one knew and Paul just assumed his identity. And it worked perfectly, no one suspected a thing he said and the beer and food were great and he even got a phone number from one of the cousins[whether he called her or not we don’t know], and as we left the beach that night we just marveled at the gut’s he had and we finally knew his story’s were true.
As for Paul unfortunately he passed away in September of 1979. But i would like to think that somehow he snuck into heaven and God still has not caught him!