James Hillis

Archive for January, 2010|Monthly archive page

Hockey day In Hespeler

In Uncategorized on January 31, 2010 at 8:51 pm

The men who were young at heart started arriving a little after twelve on this cool sunny Saturday afternoon in Hespeler. It was Hockey day in Canada and in about one hour the parking lot of the Hespeler legion would be transformed into a makeshift Hockey Arena and the Men of the Legion would, for the second year in a row play for the coveted Beehive Classic. They wore the sweaters of the teams they supported, there were Maple leaf sweaters as well as St.Louis,Edmonton,Boston,Calgary, Montreal and Detroit, as well as a few others including a couple of Shamrock Sweaters. They sported nicknames like Happy Harry,King Henry,Blackie,Brewster,Greener and Bucket Head to name just a few, and like true pro’s the pre game banter was all about giving verbal jabs and getting some back.
As they were being called out to the lot to begin this battle the last stragglers finished their pre-game training fluid, gathered up their equipment and headed out into the sunshine for a true outdoor classic. And a classic it was, from the first faceoff to the Intermission where a few beers and a few cigarettes were had to the final whistle to end the game they played their hearts out. there were a few knockdowns, a few calls by the referee that were disputed, a couple of good goals and the usual in game banter that goes on from Coast to Coast when people get together for a good old fashioned Road Hockey game. At times the hockey sticks were flying like the flippers on a pinball machine, and the biggest concern was losing the tennis ball down either of the hills that surrounds the legion, and in true Canadian tradition there was even a call of “CAR” as Gary”Shaft”Boomer drove his taxi onto the playing area.
So who won the game? Who knows or for that matter who cares? The main thing was that these good Old Boy‘s had fun and everyone survived to enjoy the post game party inside the legion. This is what Canada is truly about, and we don’t see enough of it these day’s.

To see the video of this event visit       Click Here

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Mayor and the Flying Monkeys

In Uncategorized on January 29, 2010 at 11:27 am

A little while ago I wrote a story on how I had a bad day and I blamed it all on the Mayor and his Flying monkeys, well yesterday I had another one of those days and again I will blame it on The Mayor and of course his Flying monkeys.

It all started as I rolled out of bed and found my way to the bathroom, I turned on the light and low and behold the lights blew out in the room, after apologising a few times to my Wife for the wet toilet seat I proceeded to fix the lights all the time thinking” Curse you, Mayor Craig’s Flying Monkees”.

I then went to make a pot of coffee and wouldn’t you know it, the Flying monkeys had beaten me to it and broke my Coffee Maker, I settled for an Instant Coffee and cursed the Mayor under my breath. After a bit I settled down and drove my wife to work, but upon returning to my home I hit a patch of Ice in my driveway and since it sits lower than my yard I have a wooden brace all around it and of course i wound up going over the brace and upon backing up I pulled of my front bumper and somehow popped a tire. Standing there looking at the wonton destruction I again looked to the sky’s and cursed the Mayor and his monkeys thinking, If he cancelled the Drayton Project the city would have enough money to keep my driveway salted and this carnage could have been prevented, but alas culture comes before salting my driveway(the bastards). But wait, The monkeys had something else in store for me.

As I entered the house to phone a Tow truck I felt a chill in the air and wouldn’t you know it, while i was out the Mayor sent his monkeys to break my Furnace, that is when I lost it, a cowlick suddenly appeared on the back of my head and to make things even worse I reached for a beer in the fridge and there were none, the Monkees drank all my beer while causing mayhem.

So I plead to you Mayor Craig, take your Flying Monkeys and your Magic 8 ball that council uses and leave me alone.

When Hespeler had a Movie Theater

In Uncategorized on January 25, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Way back when the town of Hespeler had a movie theater downtown. It was right beside what was then the Queen’s Hotel,now known as Ernie’s. It was the place to be on a Saturday night.

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The Troubles

In Uncategorized on January 23, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Recent incidents in Hespeler involving teenagers has gotten me thinking about my days as a teen and what trouble we got into, and i can tell you we were different than the group today.
I became a teen during the early ’70s and while we drank what we could get and smoked some of the “whacky tabaccy” we were not as destructive or insolent as the teens today. Yes we walked the streets sometimes and may have thrown a few eggs at some peoples houses{sorry Mr. Hodges} we had no graffiti urges, no urges to break the windows in the library, no desire to set fires in front of stores in fact you could call my generation “pussies” if you like, but at least we could use our time and energy to better effect than the brainless bunch that roam outside today. On any giving night there would be a road hockey game on Cooper Street or on Hungerford road that would go until 9 or ten and except for the bush’s in front of the Panabaker house no damage would be done. And on the weekends a party may break out on what is now Holiday Inn Drive, but back then was an old wooded area totally inaccessible by car, so we could see someone coming and we could high tail it out of there. Back then we also had regular police patrols and you never knew when Flashlight Freddie or Cpl. Eagle would pop out of nowhere and nab you. As a matter of fact i think we were all afraid of what our Fathers would say more than the police.
We didn’t have video games full of violence and gore, and a 300 channel universe that offers everything on demand. We were not allowed to just sit a t home and leach off the old man we had to work with some of our spare time. Hell at 15 i was working for my Dad down at Artex Woolens after school and on weekends. Sometimes i wonder how i did all the little mischievous things i did back then, because i certainly did not have the free time that kids today have. And that brings me to my main point, the reason for some of the problems, society has evolved and not for the better. The young offenders act has certainly led to kids not being scared of the police or punishment, the fact that you can not really discipline children is a big problem today, even though my father never used the belt, just the fear of it was enough. The lack of a police station in Hespeler is certainly a factor as there is no presence on a steady basis. I can’t remember the last time i saw a road hockey game or a pickup baseball game being played behind Our lady of Fatima grade school. And of course marijuana has Been replaced by “crack” a drug that makes you aggressive as opposed to pot which would send us giggling into an area where no one could see us and we could sit and stare at an ant moving across a floor for hours. And asking someone to listen to a James Taylor or Harry Chapin CD today brings a laugh, hell Black Sabbath is tame compared to some of the Rap and Death Metal that these kids call music today. Read a book? Don’t make me laugh. Is there hope? Well let’s pray there is. Suddenly i have an urge to grab a bottle of Lemon Gin, call up some of the guy’s and go play some road hockey…naaa it’s late and i have to get up for work in the morning. Have a good Day everyone!

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What I learned on the Bus

In Uncategorized on January 19, 2010 at 6:18 pm

This is a reprint of a previous article I wrote. I had to take the bus today to do some business,as my van was in the shop and I thought about the article. So I am putting it back up.

Normally i do not take the bus, but on Saturday the transmission on my van was acting up and as it was a long weekend my mechanic could not look at it until Tuesday. So that left my Wife and i with a few options, 1. Don’t go anywhere we can not walk to 2. Take the bus if necessary. And since i live in Hespeler and i work in Preston, number 1 was not an option. So feeling like a kid going on his first school bus ride,Tuesday and today i rode the buses around this City, and boy did I learn a lot. Here are some of the things i learned.

Did you know that $9.00 will buy you enough booze to last the evening? according to a woman sitting across from me, you just have to shop carefully at the Liquor store.

I learned that “Obama” means good in teenspeak. As a few teens explained, “This weekend was Obamasized”.

I learned that despite the signs that state not to speak to the driver, then can talk and drive at the same time..usually to another driver standing beside them.

I learned that Teens can stuff more things into their napsack than i thought was possible. I swear one girl had her entire wardrobe in her’s.

I learned that yes, a child can scream louder if challenged to by a parent.

I learned that i truly, truly hate rap music, especially when been sung by middle class white kids pretending to be gangsters. Oh, and especially when they have the headphones on and are sitting right behind me.

I learned that God is indeed one of us and does ride the bus. At least according to the long haired Jesus freak that explained it all to the few of us riding the Lang’s bus this morning.

I learned that a pop can can roll from one end of the bus to the other and back again without being seen or heard by any of the passengers.

I learned that a Handicapped person on a scooter will run over your foot if it is in her way.( Don’t worry, nothing broken).

I learned that Micheal Jackson is still alive. At least according to the argument that i heard, something to do with his marriage to Lisa Marie Presley(see the conspiracy there?)

I learned that yelling into your cell phone is acceptable while on the bus.

I learned that Homosexuals can not repair bicycles. This was one of the weirdest conversations i have ever heard and will appear on Conversations at a later date.

I learned that the seats on the buses are too small(or my ass is too big)

I learned to go to the bathroom before getting on the bus. It sure is a bumpy ride.

I learned that teenagers have a new game. It is called who can say F!!K the most times and the loudest.

I learned that Dave is an Asshole! I don’t know which dave they were talking about but they all agreed, Dave is an Asshole!

And finally i learned that Galt sucks, Hespeler Sucks and Preston Sucks. I don’t know what is left but i guess that means Cambridge Sucks?

Alas, for now my riding the bus is over, $548.00 later my ride is ready…maybe my ass is a little big, the seat of the van seems smaller…

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What shall I do Now

In Uncategorized on January 15, 2010 at 1:13 am

After 30 years of steady employment I now find myself doing what many other Canadians are doing, looking for work. Yes I am a victim of the economy, laid off and over 50 years of age, searching for another job, maybe even another occupation. I mean I have been in the restaurant business for almost 25 years and have done almost everything there is to do in it, I started as a dishwasher, became a cook, Manager, Kitchen Manager, Bartender,Server, I mean, if there is a job in the business I have done it and so I decided to look around and see what is out there.

Let’s face it, a chicken plucker is not for me,hell at my age I couldn’t even catch the suckers most likely. I could pick mushrooms, but I would wind up throwing my back out and I have found out that they are not of the magic kind, so i have no interest in that.

I could perhaps become a flatulence Inspector, i do know a good fart when I smell one, I could become a Locksmith, but with my luck most of my business would be at Seniors residences unlocking handcuffs from the bedposts, and I don’t think i want to see that.

I see looking in the paper that there is an opening for a Janitor in a Porno theatre, that’s a job I wouldn’t want to stick with. There is a personal trainer wanted, Christ, who am i kidding, I can barely motivate myself. There is a medical company looking for a stool sample analyser, there ain’t enough plastic gloves in the world for that job.

I thought about being a Heroin mule, but my friends at the legion reminded me that usually you have to carry the stuff where the sun don’t shine, and I don’t play that game.  A sleep instructor sounds like a good job, that is something i do really well, but apparently you have to stay awake, and that would suck having to watch others sleep.  With the strike at the Ministry of Transport over, I thought i could get a job there, but they tell me that there is no such job available to give Backseat driving lessons.

So my options are limited I guess, but I will keep looking. I wonder if Mayor Craig needs a bodyguard?  Naw, too dangerous, oh well, Wal-Mart could use a friendly greeter like me!  Here’s your cart, now piss off I don’t know where the woman’s sanitary napkins are.( Sorry just practicing)

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When Downtown was the place

In Uncategorized on January 6, 2010 at 12:51 pm

This is from the glory years of the Hespeler Downtown. Many different types of stores, from a bookstore to coffee shops to a 5 and dime store, clothing stores. We had it all, where did it go? I guess the advent of the malls did destroy the downtown’s.

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When I was a Teen

In Uncategorized on January 6, 2010 at 12:48 pm

When i was a teenager growing up in this town words had a slightly different meaning:

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a television show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spiders home
A virus was what you caught
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long drive with my family
A mouse pad was where the mice lived

And if you had a 3 inch floppy, you just hoped nobody ever found out!

My how times have changed!

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