Monthly Archives: February 2011

Damn You Flying Monkeys.


Damn Monkeys today were at it again, really, Mayor Craig, what have i done to you to make you sic your flying monkeys on me again?  I thought i was being a good boy but just like Santa you seem to have a different view of things and your legion of monkeys caused me nothing but grief, let me explain.

As I got out of the old fart sack this morning it seems that the monkeys had got  in over night and slipped one of my dogs bones right where my right foot landed and caused me to fall into the window ledge almost pulling down the blinds and causing my Wife to question whether or not i had been out drinking the night before.  And the Monkeys caused more mayhem in the Bathroom as when i went to put the toothpaste on my toothbrush the paste came flying out of the bottom of the tube where I am sure the Monkeys had deliberately cut it and it didn’t improve from there.  My car keys were not hanging where i know I left them and after finding the said keys I went out to warm up the old jalopy and forget to take off my slippers and sure as the monkeys shine I found the one bit of ice in my driveway and went down on my tush, thank god for natural padding. Things seemed to be going okay from there and I drove carefully towards work and my stop at Tim Hortons but it seemed that the monkeys had taken my wallet and put it in my other coat and left me with no money to buy a java and I had to go to work without one. but wait! The monkeys had already been there, they had managed to tamper with the water heater at work and the kitchen was flooded forcing me to mop up before I could do anything productive, and on top of that the last few bags of coffee for the machine had vanished over night and I had to wait for the delivery truck to arrive before having a coffee.  And it still wasn’t 11:00 am yet. the rest of today didn’t go well either but I think you get the point, so i advise anyone that gets on the wrong side of the mayor, watch out for the damn flying monkeys, they will get you every time. Oh well at least they didn’t fool with my compfheryr.

Peaceful Easy feeling


Where do you go to relax and get away from it all? This may seem
strange to some but when i am in need of shutting out the world there
are two ways i do it. One is meditation which i tend to do as often as
possible but sometimes i need a different approach and for that i head
to the cemetery. I know that it sounds weird but to sit amongst the
truly at peace people is some what calming. They have no deadlines to
meet, no bills to pay, and they are very good listeners for the most
part. To sit amongst my departed family members and Friends is like a
family reunion that i am in charge of. It allows me to pour out my
feelings and know that i am not being judged by society, there is no
standard that i must meet to be allowed to talk to them. It allows me
time to gather my thoughts and recharge my emotions. It is basically a
truly PEACEFUL EASY FEELING. On Saturday i am headed to an out of town
cemetery to visit my paternal Grandmother and Grandfather and see what
trouble old George[mygreat-grandfather] has gotten himself into lately
in the next world. Enjoy your day and remember even though you may
not see them your deceased relatives and Friends know when you visit
them and they appreciate it. AWEN

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Suite: Judy Blue Eyes. Another Woman in Song.


One of the sweetest songs ever written and performed, Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby Stills and Nash is in my top ten songs of all time and a song that does not sound dated at all. This song written by Steven Stills in 1969 is about a woman who most music fans have heard of, Judy Collins and the pain he felt about breaking up with her.  Stills and Judy had been dating for just over two years when the breakup occurred and Judy left him for Actor Stacey Keach, who she had met while appearing in Shakespeare Production in New York. Judy Collins remembers when she first heard the song”[Stephen] came to where I was singing one night on the West Coast and brought his guitar to the hotel and he sang me “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes,” the whole song. And of course it has lines in it that referred to my therapy. And so he wove that all together in this magnificent creation. So the legacy of our relationship is certainly in that song”.
Judy is still active on the performing circuit at 72 years of age and is a strong social activist. Stills at 66 years of age is still touring and recording, his last album  was released in 2009 and hopefully he is over the breakup by now.
And if you are wondering what the lyrics are to the final verse of the song it is sung in Spanish and is as such.

Que linda! Me la traigo a Cuba
La reina de la Mar Caribe
Quiero sólo visitarla allí
Y que triste que no puedo. ¡Vaya!
O va, o va

A rough translation into English might read:

How pretty! I’ll bring her to Cuba
The queen of the Caribbean Sea
I only want to visit her there
And how sad that I can’t. Oh!
Oh go, oh go!

Hockey Day in Hespeler 2011


The hockey sticks were layed across the long table in the center of the Hespeler Legion and the men that were about to partake in the annual Hockey Day festival were surveying them like soldiers getting ready for battle and perhaps in their minds that is what it was. They stood milling around having the pre-game drinks, making jokes about each other and in a sense feeling each other out, because this was not just another day, for this was Hockey Day in Hespeler and this year it had an additional element to it as there was a fund-raiser involved to help out the family of the late Raymond Brewer and everyone wanted this one to be the best.

And the weather did not disappoint as it was a sunny afternoon and from the first ball drop until the goalie nets were taken away it was, as usual a well done affair with a little of everything that makes the Canadian Game of Road Hockey great. There was little goaltender interference some deflected shots that somehow made their was past the keepers of the twine a few attempted end to end rushes and at the end of it all a sense of pride in a job well done.

But the day didn’t end there because as usual the post game  gathering was just as interesting as the players and the fans seemed to enjoy taking pot shots and praising each other all at the same time. And after the game there was the benefit to look after and it was a spectacular success from the silent auction to the music of Speily and Trott and as the night wore down the crowd in the hall all felt a bit of pride in their community and after all is that not what Canada is about!

And again no ambulances were required for any of the participants.

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My Goldfish hates me


If anyone disagrees with anything i say, i am prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny it under oath.
The dot above the i in the letter i is called a tittle
If i had a nickel for every paycheck I’ve blown on booze and wild woman, i could probably spend a whole weekend doing nothing but…well, you know where this is headed.

Bugs outnumber humans 200 million to one
Canada borders on three oceans, Pacific,Atlantic and Arctic
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it….Frank Zappa

Whenever i feel blue, i just start breathing again
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
If we are not supposed to eat animals how come they are made out of meat.

Why must all good things end while mediocre things last forever
I am so happy today,i found my friends, they are in my head…Kurt Cobain
The word Gullible is not in the English dictionary

In a family of psychotics, it is a relief to be the insomniac
The all time most nominated Grammy artist is Quincy Jones with 77
Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot

What doesn’t kill me doesn’t make me stronger, it just pisses me off more.
While staring at my goldfish and making fun of him stuck in a little bowl, i imagined him making fun of me in this weird world, so i flushed him down the toilet, that will teach him.
The Oreo is the worlds best selling cookie.

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What the hell does that mean?


Just some sayings that bug me.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush……Makes no sense two birds are better than one. Plus the one in my hand would probably crap in it.

A bitter pill….Anytime I am sick a pill is not bitter to me

A chip off the old block…..A chip off of anything and my wife makes me throw it out.

A diamond in the rough….I don’t care where you find a diamond it’s all worth the same.

A feather in his cap….o.k., if any guy in my neighborhood growing up put a feather in his cap we would have beat him up.

The hair of the dog…This one has never made sense to me. I know what it means but really, this and A dogs breakfast, totally stupid.

A happy camper…Any time I can get camping is a happy time, I don’t know any unhappy campers.

A Mexican standoff….Is it different than a Swedish standoff, and what do they call it in Mexico? A Washington standoff?

Ain’t just whistling Dixie…..Don’t get it and don’t care about this one

Apple of my eye….I don’t like apples that much and apples go bad real quick after you peel them

Bump in the night….Bump in the day is just as bad I think…

That is all for now, there are plenty more and when I have time I will post some that really bug me

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