The old Arena

I remember the cold Saturday mornings getting up at 6am so we could be on the ice for 7. and as we pretended to be our favorite Maple Leaf or Canadian our fathers would be sitting in the stands drinking their coffee spiced with whatever they had. No screaming at the coaches to put my kid in, no yelling at the refs[hell the refs were out drinking at the legion with our dads the night before] no pressure but to have a good time. Somehow memories of those days still cheer me up! And no matter how hard they try the new arena in town just doesn’t have the same feel and attitude. No ghosts of Hespeler Shamrocks or Hespeler Mic macs wandering the halls. No smell of french frys will ever beat the old arenas. Call it what you will, i call it unforgettable.

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What i learned on the Bus

Normally i do not take the bus, but on Saturday the transmission on my van was acting up and as it was a long weekend my mechanic could not look at it until Tuesday. So that left my Wife and i with a few options, 1. Don’t go anywhere we can not walk to 2. Take the bus if necessary. And since i live in Hespeler and i work in Preston, number 1 was not an option. So feeling like a kid going on his first school bus ride,Tuesday and today i rode the buses around this City, and boy did I learn a lot. Here are some of the things i learned.

Did you know that $9.00 will buy you enough booze to last the evening? according to a woman sitting across from me, you just have to shop carefully at the Liquor store.

I learned that “Obama” means good in teenspeak. As a few teens explained, “This weekend was Obamasized”.

I learned that despite the signs that state not to speak to the driver, then can talk and drive at the same time..usually to another driver standing beside them.

I learned that Teens can stuff more things into their napsack than i thought was possible. I swear one girl had her entire wardrobe in her’s.

I learned that yes, a child can scream louder if challenged to by a parent.

I learned that i truly, truly hate rap music, especially when been sung by middle class white kids pretending to be gangsters. Oh, and especially when they have the headphones on and are sitting right behind me.

I learned that God is indeed one of us and does ride the bus. At least according to the long haired Jesus freak that explained it all to the few of us riding the Lang’s bus this morning.

I learned that a pop can can roll from one end of the bus to the other and back again without being seen or heard by any of the passengers.

I learned that a Handicapped person on a scooter will run over your foot if it is in her way.( Don’t worry, nothing broken).

I learned that Micheal Jackson is still alive. At least according to the argument that i heard, something to do with his marriage to Lisa Marie Presley(see the conspiracy there?)

I learned that yelling into your cell phone is acceptable while on the bus.

I learned that Homosexuals can not repair bicycles. This was one of the weirdest conversations i have ever heard and will appear on Conversations at a later date.

I learned that the seats on the buses are too small(or my ass is too big)

I learned to go to the bathroom before getting on the bus. It sure is a bumpy ride.

I learned that teenagers have a new game. It is called who can say F!!K the most times and the loudest.

I learned that Dave is an Asshole! I don’t know which dave they were talking about but they all agreed, Dave is an Asshole!

And finally i learned that Galt sucks, Hespeler Sucks and Preston Sucks. I don’t know what is left but i guess that means Cambridge Sucks?

Alas, for now my riding the bus is over, $548.00 later my ride is ready…maybe my ass is a little big, the seat of the van seems smaller…

Why i Do this

To my Dad a good joke or story was as important to life as food or drink. He loved to tell story’s and to have a good time, and he had many a good time. Many people say i have a warped sense of humor and can pull a story out of anything, but in comparison to my old man i am just a novice. I saw him laugh at a John Wayne movie, i saw him bust a gut watching Harvey Korman and Tim Conway perform a routine on the Carol Burnett show. He could repeat jokes from the likes of Lenny Bruce to Richard Pryor and to him humor had no boundaries.
And the story’s and thoughts he would come out with were classics, but to me they were as new as the rain or snow that fell outside. Sure they were probably stolen from someone else or from a book he had read but the way he told them made them his. I have learned many one liners, jokes, groaners and weird thoughts on life from my Dad and while they are not always funny to everyone, they are at least interesting and would leave his party guests snickering under their breath. But is that not what life is about? Keeping your friends and acquaintances laughing and thinking all at the same time? Even as he was dying he kept a sense of humor, he pulled me over to his side and indicated that he needed to say something to me and as i got closer to his mouth he whispered” get off my air hose you arsehole”. I could only laugh and i am sure my family thought i was nuts, but i know that everytime i write a story or post a stream of weird thoughts he is laughing and telling anybody that is near him up above ” I taught him everything he knows, and he still doesn’t know anything”

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